So, for my sins, in the last week or so, I’ve been on the road a lot. Nottingham, Ipswich and Chelmsford have all had the unrivalled privilege of my presence. Needless to say, with the cost of the rail network in this country (over £100 for a return to Nottingham, and based on recent train experiences, I would have to stand most of the way!) I did what any good man would do – I got in my 2 seater sports car, put on some Music (in this case, Radio 1 Live Lounge vol. 3, Killers Day and Age, Trivium Shogun and ACDC Black Ice), and hit the motorway.

Now, as we all know as licensed drivers in the UK, the highway code clearly states in paragraph 264:

“You should always drive in the left-hand lane when the road ahead is clear. If you are overtaking a number of slower-moving vehicles, you should return to the left-hand lane as soon as you are safely past. Slow-moving or speed-restricted vehicles should always remain in the left-hand lane of the carriageway unless overtaking. You MUST NOT drive on the hard shoulder except in an emergency or if directed to do so by the police, HA traffic officers in uniform or by signs”

So, why, I ask myself, was I stuck behind cars in the outside lane when there were no cars in the middle lane? Why was I stuck behind slow moving vehicles in the outside lane, because even slower moving cars were in the middle lane, when there were no cars in the inside lane?
It’s enough to drive a man mad. I like to drive, really, I do. That’s why I bought the car I did, because it allows me to drive with even more enjoyment. Driving around, stuck behind idiots who fail to follow the highway code makes me want to scream. Now, seeing as breaking most elements of the highway code result in punishment, I can’t help but wonder why it is that these idiots who are doing nothing more than causing unnecessary congestion in our already creaking road networks don’t face some sort of idiot punishment?

Personally, I think they should all be sent on advanced driving courses to encourage them to stop driving like learners. Better yet, let’s make them all walk behind a bunch of OAP’s with Zimmerframes from Reading to Bracknell until they begin to understand how irritating they are.

If our esteemed government decide not to do something about the plague on our roads that is the “middle lane driver” then they really need to rethink paragraph 268:

“Do not overtake on the left or move to a lane on your left to overtake. In congested conditions, where adjacent lanes of traffic are moving at similar speeds, traffic in left-hand lanes may sometimes be moving faster than traffic to the right. In these conditions you may keep up with the traffic in your lane even if this means passing traffic in the lane to your right. Do not weave in and out of lanes to overtake.”

In fact, if middle lane, and worst still, middle lane in fast lane drivers can ignore paragraph 264, then I can ignore paragraph 268, just to hit home the point that they shouldn’t be in that lane.
In order to combat the congestion these idiots are causing, on the M”5 (or as it is hilariously called, the London Orbital) has opened in some areas a fourth lane. This fourth lane really must be the most pointless lane on the M25, because it has resulted in the phenomenon of the middle lane driver branching out to the middle left and middle right lane driver, where you find morons in the third lane to the right when there are no cars in either lane to the left.

Worse still, the fourth lane on the M25 appears to have given lorry drivers the belief that our motorways should be the new site for the lorry 1 mile drag race, in which the drivers of lorrys decide to see who can go half a mile hour faster than the lorry next to them, and take about 10 minutes to overtake them. That is the single most pointless exercise EVER. Again, this is the type of behavior on our highways which are rapidly becoming painful to drive on.

But enough of that.

On a slightly related note, I would like to advise all of you to go out and get Live Lounge Volume 3. It is simply put, amazing. I’ve always enjoyed the live lounges. I like how you get some completely unexpected covers, like Biffy Clyro covering Umbrella, or on Volume 3, Dizzee Rascal covering the Ting Tings That’s Not My Name. A great album, yet again.

Finally – congratulations to Bern and Vicky for getting married yesterday. It was a great night to celebrate, and seeing Bern cutting those moves on the dance floor was a joy to behold. Shame we got rumbled putting potato wedges, sherbert saucers and popcorn in the marital bed though!! Congratulations again!