So, for my sins, in the last week or so, I’ve been on the road a lot. Nottingham, Ipswich and Chelmsford have all had the unrivalled privilege of my presence. Needless to say, with the cost of the rail network in this country (over £100 for a return to Nottingham, and based on recent train experiences, I would have to stand most of the way!) I did what any good man would do – I got in my 2 seater sports car, put on some Music (in this case, Radio 1 Live Lounge vol. 3, Killers Day and Age, Trivium Shogun and ACDC Black Ice), and hit the motorway.

Now, as we all know as licensed drivers in the UK, the highway code clearly states in paragraph 264:

“You should always drive in the left-hand lane when the road ahead is clear. If you are overtaking a number of slower-moving vehicles, you should return to the left-hand lane as soon as you are safely past. Slow-moving or speed-restricted vehicles should always remain in the left-hand lane of the carriageway unless overtaking. You MUST NOT drive on the hard shoulder except in an emergency or if directed to do so by the police, HA traffic officers in uniform or by signs”

So, why, I ask myself, was I stuck behind cars in the outside lane when there were no cars in the middle lane? Why was I stuck behind slow moving vehicles in the outside lane, because even slower moving cars were in the middle lane, when there were no cars in the inside lane?
It’s enough to drive a man mad. I like to drive, really, I do. That’s why I bought the car I did, because it allows me to drive with even more enjoyment. Driving around, stuck behind idiots who fail to follow the highway code makes me want to scream. Now, seeing as breaking most elements of the highway code result in punishment, I can’t help but wonder why it is that these idiots who are doing nothing more than causing unnecessary congestion in our already creaking road networks don’t face some sort of idiot punishment?

Personally, I think they should all be sent on advanced driving courses to encourage them to stop driving like learners. Better yet, let’s make them all walk behind a bunch of OAP’s with Zimmerframes from Reading to Bracknell until they begin to understand how irritating they are.

If our esteemed government decide not to do something about the plague on our roads that is the “middle lane driver” then they really need to rethink paragraph 268:

“Do not overtake on the left or move to a lane on your left to overtake. In congested conditions, where adjacent lanes of traffic are moving at similar speeds, traffic in left-hand lanes may sometimes be moving faster than traffic to the right. In these conditions you may keep up with the traffic in your lane even if this means passing traffic in the lane to your right. Do not weave in and out of lanes to overtake.”

In fact, if middle lane, and worst still, middle lane in fast lane drivers can ignore paragraph 264, then I can ignore paragraph 268, just to hit home the point that they shouldn’t be in that lane.
In order to combat the congestion these idiots are causing, on the M”5 (or as it is hilariously called, the London Orbital) has opened in some areas a fourth lane. This fourth lane really must be the most pointless lane on the M25, because it has resulted in the phenomenon of the middle lane driver branching out to the middle left and middle right lane driver, where you find morons in the third lane to the right when there are no cars in either lane to the left.

Worse still, the fourth lane on the M25 appears to have given lorry drivers the belief that our motorways should be the new site for the lorry 1 mile drag race, in which the drivers of lorrys decide to see who can go half a mile hour faster than the lorry next to them, and take about 10 minutes to overtake them. That is the single most pointless exercise EVER. Again, this is the type of behavior on our highways which are rapidly becoming painful to drive on.

But enough of that.

On a slightly related note, I would like to advise all of you to go out and get Live Lounge Volume 3. It is simply put, amazing. I’ve always enjoyed the live lounges. I like how you get some completely unexpected covers, like Biffy Clyro covering Umbrella, or on Volume 3, Dizzee Rascal covering the Ting Tings That’s Not My Name. A great album, yet again.

Finally – congratulations to Bern and Vicky for getting married yesterday. It was a great night to celebrate, and seeing Bern cutting those moves on the dance floor was a joy to behold. Shame we got rumbled putting potato wedges, sherbert saucers and popcorn in the marital bed though!! Congratulations again!

Random Thoughts for the New Year

So, to kick this all off with a proper start, I thought I would share some of my thoughts from the past few weeks, on several topics.

Firstly, the pikey scum who broke into the communal area of the flats, purely to steal a number of parcels that had arrived for me whilst out. How do I know it was a pair of teenage pikey c*nts I hear you ask? Because I saw them leaving as I came home, but didn't realise what had happened until it was too late, and they were long gone.

Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but I can't help but wonder what would make anyone think it was fine to force a front door, and steal 4 parcels (I know what they took as they left the wrapping, which is now with the police for finger print checks). I don't know. Maybe at the ancient age of 26 I am past it, but my moral compass says that's wrong. Thanks Mum.

Like everyone, I want to blame someone for this, and that someone is the pikey's Mother. She clearly stopped breast feeding him at an early age, and didn't let him watch Transformers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Shame on her. Again, thanks Mum for letting me watch such awesome, morally guiding TV. Mothers everywhere need to learn!

But enough of that!

On a more positive note, it's not long until I head off to Meribel to learn how to ski. By learn to ski, what I mean is fall over a lot, whilst trying not to break something. But never fear, citizens of Gotham, because even if I do fall (which I will) and break something (which I hope not to!) I am now insured for up to £10 million of medical charges. So, should I do something, I don't want any old helicopter to air lift me off the side of a mountain, I want a gold one, flown by a Vietnam veteran, with Scarlett Johansson giving me some TLC, and I want to be put up in a 5 star hotel rather than the hospital.

Seriously.... 10 million of our English pounds. I mean, I could go on holiday to the USA, and have full cancer treatment for that. Which is more than those poor citizens of America could get in that country, where medicine is only provided to those with insurance provided by morally bankrupt billionaires.

But, as usual I digress. So yes, I get to learn to ski! 3 whole days of skiing, with lessons, and 4 nights of intense drinking will surely make the Robide a very, very happy boy. Watch this space for the updates on it!

To finish off, I thought I would share with you my latest inspiration. Jamie's Ministry of Food. Seriously people, get this book. Is it really, really simple and quick cooking? Yes. Which is what I want. All the fancier books I have are great for cooking from once in a while, but this thing has great recipes that are quick and easy, and taste amazing.

Tonight, I took his Spag Bol, and made it my own with a few additional bits and pieces. And it tasted amazing. EVERYTHING in it was fresh, including the basil which I picked from my window garden, and it tasted great. Honestly, I far preferred it to the old style Dolmio/Ragu stuff I used to do, and no doubt, it was healthier - which as a fat bastard, I need.

That's enough of me for now. I'm off to watch Transformers.

Here it goes!

Well, I tried this once before, and it didn't last, mainly because the company hosting started trying to charge me to blog, which ain't gunna happen!

I wanted to get something going, mainly to make use of my website, which I've had for a while, and not done much with. So, what better to start off with than a blog, I thought? So here it is. Hopefully, I will get my butt in gear, and use this as a basis to grow a site out with random photos that my friends stuck in the pre-facebook dark ages can see some of what I'm doing with my life.

As for this blog, well, we shall have to wait and see how it builds out, but I aim to use it as a venting area for everything to anything, from bitching about the pikey sons of guns who broke in to the communal area of my flat, and stole a load of games that weren't put through my letter box, to my thoughts on games, music, movies, comics, gigs, random news events, and god only knows what else. Who knows, maybe eventually this will be worth you reading, rather than a venting point for me, so check back - it should be fun!